Be Present

Life gets crazy and hectic. Today is my son's birthday but I still have to blog, send emails, work on a book that is coming up on a hard deadline, clean, do laundry, and cook dinner. That is a pretty normal day for me. Change some of the details but I'm guessing that's a pretty normal day for many of you too. It is hard to stay focused and be present when you have so much on your mind at any given time; when there are so many things that you have to keep track of just to get through the day.

No matter how busy I get, I have come to find that if I fail to be present, none of it really matters. If I am not present with my son later today, it won't matter that I completed my "to do list." If I fail to spend five minutes on the phone with my friend who had a rough day, really listening and supporting her, it won't matter that I put a post up for all of you to read. Finally, if I fail to be present with my husband, making time for him, it won't really matter if I finish my book by the deadline.

One of the biggest mistakes we make in this busy world is a lack of presence. We are always thinking about what comes next. When we are at work, we're thinking about home and when we're at home were thinking about work. Our work suffers because we're not focused and our relationships suffer because we're not really present.

I want to encourage you to practice being present this week. When you are at work, be there and do your work to the best of your ability. When you are with a friend or family member allow yourself to really be present and forget about all the other things that you need to get done.

I know that all of this is easier said than done but, if you don't try, things will never get any better. Sure, you'll still think about work when you're at home and, of course, you'll think about work when you are at home, but when those thoughts come, push them out to the best of your ability. The more you do it, the easier it will become to do it more and more.

Go and enjoy your week and be present in all that you do.

I Can't

"I can't" can be two of the most powerful words that you can utter. "I can't" means that the conversation is over. It means that there will be no further discussions, no new attempts, no Move Forward Solutions. "I can't" is the quickest, easiest way to shut yourself and others down.

When you say "I can't," the first thing that you do is stop others. When you tell them "I can't" there isn't much they can say about it. Sure there are those who will push and prod and force you to see that you really can do whatever it is that you say you can't, but, for the most part, "I can't" is the final word; you won't even try whatever it is that you say you can't do.

The other person that you stop when you say "I can't" is yourself. It stops you from continuing to process. It tells your brain to quit trying. When you say "I can't," whether you really can or not, you tell yourself that you won't so don't waste valuable time and energy on this one.

Today, I would like to encourage you to make a shift in your thinking. Instead of saying "I can't," say "How can I?" "How can I?" keeps the conversation going. It allows you to keep the question open and forces you to continue processing possible solutions. It allows others to enter the conversation with comments, ideas, and suggestions. "How can I?" is full of possibilities.

When you say "How can I?" you can come to many possible solutions. You might find that you really can't do one thing but you can do another. You could discover that while you can't do something now, you can do it later. Finally, you might discover that the reason why you can't do something is simply because you don't want to do it. It is good to recognize and acknowledge what we really do and don't want. Take ownership of those feelings and express them rather than copping out by saying "I can't."

I want to challenge you to eliminate the words "I can't" from your vocabulary. Try to find a better way to express yourself. Own up to it when you don't really want to do something. Allow yourself and others to come up with creative alternative solutions. Whatever you do, stop limiting the possibilities in your life with the belief that you can't.

Logically Speaking

Have you ever found yourself faced with a decision that was difficult to make? It may have been a simple decision like choosing which flavor of Ben and Jerry's to buy or it may have been a really complex decision like deciding to make a big career move. Whatever the decision, did you find yourself gravitating to the choice that "felt right"?

Women are great at connecting with their emotions, their feelings. We can make decisions based on our hearts with relative ease (this is not so simple for our male counterparts). However, when it comes to making head decisions, ones based on thought and logic rather than feelings and emotions, we don't always do so well (this is an area where the guys have us beat).

Women like to decide with their hearts and men like to decide with their heads. Both are fine ways of decision making but both are flawed and incomplete. On another day, in another blog, I'll deal with the men; but, for today, I want to address the women and our lack of logical decision-making.

For all of the Girlfriends on the Journey with me, I want to propose a challenge to you this week. This week in your Girlfriend's Clubs, challenge one another to set goals and make decisions based on logic. Try to put the heart aside for this week (although I know I never fully do) and try to use your head more.

What problems are you currently facing? What issues have you been working on with your Girlfriends? Take a moment to think; is there a logical solution to any of the problems that you have been working through? Is there a solution that you have yet to try because you have been following your heart instead of your head?

I don't want you to abandon your heart. It is my belief that good decisions, complete decisions, the best decisions will resonate with both your head and your heart. My challenge is simply this, put the heart aside for a bit, try to find a logical "head" solution and test that solution to see if it fits with your heart as well. Rather than starting with your heart, start with your head. Maybe then you will find the answers that you have been looking for.

How Are You REALLY Doing???

I don't know how many times a girlfriend has called to ask how I am doing and I have responded with the obligatory "fine, just fine." I tell her that the kids are doing well, work is great, we just went on a family hike over the weekend and life couldn't be better.

LIE

I should have told her that the kids are driving me crazy, work is really stressful, the family hike was fun but long and hot and we all got bug bites and sunburns that we are still suffering from.

Why didn't I tell the truth? Because it is too hard. First of all, it takes longer to tell the truth and I don't have that much time. Secondly, I don't want to listen to her advice. I know I should take it easy sometimes, cut back at work, get a sitter for the kids so that I don't go crazy, and stop feeling like I have to be Super Woman, but that isn't always as easy as she makes it sound.

The truth is, I like trying to be Super Woman. I like being busy. I like my job, my husband, and my kids. I just don't know what steps to take to make it all work better.

This week in your Girlfriend's Life Survival Club, I want you to work on a couple of things.

1. Start by being honest about your life. Be honest with yourself and be honest with your girlfriends
2. Listen to their advice. You don't have to take all of their suggestions but as your friends they might have some good ideas about simple ways to make your life easier, more fulfilling, and more enjoyable without making any drastic changes.
3. Try some simple solutions to make your day to day routine more manageable (take a bath once a week to relax, let your kids go to school with messy hair, get Take Out instead of making dinner). Find ways to give yourself a little breathing room.

You don't have to take great strides to make big positive changes in your life. Be honest about your struggles and let your Girlfriends help to you come up with some simple solutions. You might be surprised at what they come up with and how much better your life can be.