Resolutions

New Year's Resolutions are a tricky thing.  It is so easy to come up with a list of things that I think I should work on.  There are things that friends and family have told me I need to change.  There are things that I don't like about myself that I want to change.  And there are the endless lists of things that "experts" have told me I need to change.

It starts with the basics: diet and exercise.  We all know that we need a better diet and more exercise.  It doesn't matter what your diet is or how much exercise you do, there is always room for improvement in this area.  Next there are habits that need to be broken: for all the alcoholics, workaholics, neat freaks, and obsessive compulsives out there, this is easier said than done.  We all have things in our lives that need to be changed but after years of trying, they seem impossible to actually change.  Finally, we get to the deeper issues of life: the relationship problems, the spiritual questions, the soul searching.  These problems, while they need an answer, are not so easy to fix.

If all of this talk of Resolutions is getting you down or leaving you feeling lost and overwhelmed; don't be afraid.  First of all, you don't have to change everything all at once.  Pick one or two things that you really want to change (big or small) and focus on those.  Next, you need to LifeWalk your resolutions with someone who will help you to come to a Move Forward Solution.  Sound too easy to be true?  It's not.

Over the next few weeks I will talk to you about finding a LifeWalking partner and coming to a Move Forward Solution.  This week all you have to do is pick one or two resolutions that you would like to work on in the coming year.  Easy enough?

1. Make your list as long as you would like to start and then narrow it down to one or two to focus on.
2. Then, tune in next week when I will tell you how to find a LifeWalking partner to work with.
3. Now, go and have a great time celebrating the New Year!!!

Planning Your Holidays

Last week I encouraged you to prioritize your life this holiday season.  Think about the things that matter most and make a point to get those things done.  This week I want to talk to you about planning.  Priorities are great but, without a good plan to execute those priorities, you will fail to meet them.

With Christmas just a few days away, I am sure that you are overwhelmed with a million things that need to be done.  Once you have prioritized those things that are most pressing, you need to execute a plan to ensure that they all get done.

You may be a detail person; for you it might be a minute-by-minute plan of each day from now until Christmas.  If you are like me, a more general plan might be in order.  I determine how much I think I can accomplish each day (realistically).  Then I schedule the 5-10 things that I will do.

It doesn't matter what kind of plan you make; it matters that you make a plan.  Once you have made your plan, do your best to stick to it.  Push yourself to live up to your own expectations.  However, if you are unable to stick to it, give yourself a little grace.  Maybe your plan was a little too ambitious.  Other things might have suddenly come up making it impossible for you to successfully execute your plan.  That's O.K.  The important thing is to make a plan and try to stick to it.

Make a plan to get yourself through the next few days and weeks.  Do your best to execute that plan.  Hopefully it will help you to accomplish all of your goals while keeping your stress at a manageable level.

Priorities

One of the best ways to be successful is to prioritize.  This week I want you to focus on your priorities.  What matters most to you?  What things on your to do list are the most pressing?  Stop, take a moment, and answer those two questions.

The first question is very important.  What really matters to you?  Is it your family?  Is it friends?  What friends specifically matter the most? 

I used to live in California, a long way from Colorado where I grew up.  When I would come home for the holidays, there was a long list of things to do, places to go, and people to see.  I had limited time to do it all.  It was impossible in a short visit.  After a few frustrating trips home, I decided to start prioritizing.  What things were the most important?  What places did I want to be sure not to miss?  What people were the most important ones to see?

Once I had my priorities straight, it was easy.  I made sure to schedule a time for each of them.  I saw all of the people and went to all of the places that really mattered to me.  Everything else on my list was a maybe.  If I saw those friends who weren't a priority or went to that store that I loved in high school, great.  If I didn't have the time, oh well.  I took care of the things that really mattered.

The next question is equally important.  What things are the most pressing?  If we don't pay our bills, it doesn't matter that we spent time with all of our dearest friends.  If we show up at a party without the dessert that we promised to bring, we let down the people who were counting on us to bring it.

It is equally important to make space in your life for those things that can't be put off.  I can procrastinate with the best of them but there are some things that just need to be done.  As you create your list of priorities, make a note of these things and make space for them as well.

Surviving and thriving through the holiday season really can be as simple as prioritizing your life.  If you know what needs to be done and you know what really matters to you, you can make space for those things first.  Everything else is just gravy.

Take time this week to examine your priorities.  Make sure that you do all of the things that really matter.

'Tis the Season

I don't know about you, but, for me, this time of year can be quite challenging.  I often feel overworked, overtired, and overwhelmed.  There is always so much to do.  There is decorating, baking, parties, shopping, and all of my regular responsibilities that still need to be tended to.

It often gets me down.  I allow myself to let things slide during this season.  I let the diet go, don't work out as much, and try not to worry that my pants are feeling a little tight.  I put off the organizational projects that I want to do at home.  And I allow my goals for personal growth and development slide.  I tell myself that it doesn't matter because that's just what happens during the holidays.  I promise myself that I will get everything under control once again in January.

But what if I didn't have to do the hard work of backtracking and regaining ground that I had already conquered?  What if I could enjoy this time of year without completely losing control of who I am and what I want for my life?

It is my belief that it is possible to enjoy the holiday season and all its spoils without spoiling the progress that you have made in the past months.  You can find a Move Forward Solution that will allow you to have your holiday fun without neglecting the growth that you have achieved.

It takes three simple steps:

1. Prioritize it
2. Plan it
3. Put it into action

Over the next few weeks I will walk you through this process.  However, for this week, start with your priorities.  What matters most to you?  Make a plan to take care of your priorities in order.  Then put that plan into action.  Go out and live your Move Forward Solution.

Tune in next week for more tips for surviving the holidays.

Enjoy the Season!

Celebrate

You have finally reached the tenth week of the Girlfriend's Life Survival Club!  Hopefully you made some good progress in achieving your goals.  I am sure that you fell short in a few areas. We all do.  The important thing is that you did it.  You completed the ten-week journey.  You supported your friends.  You learned something about yourself and you experienced some growth.

Now it is time to celebrate.  We are in the holiday season now and celebration is something that we are all doing.  It is important to celebrate.  We need to look back and see how far we have come.  We need to congratulate each other and ourselves on the progress that we have made.  Changing your life isn't easy and you deserve to celebrate the success that you have had.

Make time this week to celebrate with your girlfriends.  Let them know how much they mean to you.  Tell them the ways that they have helped you to grow.  Let them know the growth that you have seen in their lives.

Whatever you do this week, find a way to celebrate how far you all have come.  Go to dinner, go out dancing, treat yourselves to a massage. 

Congratulations on completing the Girlfriend's Life Survival Club.

Regaining Control

I am an admitted control freak.  I know that many of you out there, while you may be hesitant to admit it, could put yourself in that category as well.  I have come to discover that being a control freak isn't always a bad thing-if you exercise the right kind of control.

Many of us waste our time and energy trying to control things that we will never be able to control.  You can't control your spouse, kids, boyfriend, friends, parents, or boss anymore than you can control the economy, politics, or the weather.  There are so many things in life that we cannot and will not ever have control over.

On the bright side, there are many things that we have sole control over.  We can control how we respond to the people in our lives.  We can control how much power we give them to impact our lives and our emotions.  We can control our preparation for our jobs, our finances, and the weather.  Most importantly, we can control the choices that we make which will impact all of these things.

If you feel that your life is spiraling out of control, you're probably right. However, it might be far easier to regain control of your life than you think.  Start by asking yourself if you are capable of controlling the things that feel out of control.  The answer is probably no.  Next, ask yourself what you can control in the situation to enact positive change.

When you begin to take action to regain control of your life, you can begin to make a real difference.  Letting go of the things that you cannot possibly control can bring a freedom that you never knew was possible.  Choosing to control the things that are within your power can bring unimaginable peace and calm into your life.

Make a choice this week to stop trying to control things that you are unable to control.  Instead find those things that you can control and make an effort to focus on those instead.  You will be amazed with the results.

Strong Finish

It is really easy to start things.  I start things all the time:  projects around the house, diets, and programs like this to change my life.  I am a great starter.  But, I am not always a strong finisher.

As you get into the real work of projects around the house, diets, or life changes big or small; thing become more difficult and it isn't always easy to stay committed to the change that you want to make.  Things come up, unforeseen circumstances that force us to make a choice; either give up or double down.  It is my hope that this time you will decide to double your efforts and stick to it.

Finishing strong requires a lot.  It requires flexibility.  When things aren't working, you have to be willing to try new solutions to get you to your goal.  It requires perseverance.  When you just don't feel like doing it anymore, you keep going.  Finally, it requires commitment.  You must commit to yourself, your girlfriends, and your goals.

Commitment to your girlfriends might be the single most important element in finishing strong.  When you have good friends, walking with you and encouraging you to keep going, it makes the work so much easier.  Good friends will not let you quit.  They will help you to come up with new solutions if the old ones aren't working.  They will share their strength and help you to cross that finish line.

You only have a few weeks to go.  Band together with your girlfriends and commit to make it a strong finish.

Eliminating Distractions

Last week I spoke about finding peace. I encouraged you to take just five minutes/day, turn off the TV, music, phone, etc. and just be still. Did you try it? Was it hard?

To be honest, I did it but I was unable to do it every day. It is just so hard in this busy world to take a break. This week I want to encourage you to continue to try to find peace, but I want you to expand your idea of what that looks like.

When you settled down to find peace, did you find that a million thoughts went rushing through your head? That's what happened to me. I thought about my to do list, the fight that I had with my husband, the Christmas shopping that I wanted to get a jump start on, and what was going to be on TV that night. I thought about so many things that sometimes it was hard to find any peace at all.

This week I want you to continue to take a break but this time I want you to practice eliminating all of the distractions that race through your mind through a technique called Quiet Mind.

Here is how you do it:

• Find a safe quiet place to rest your mind
• Allow all the thoughts that clutter your mind to come racing through
• Reject each thought one by one until your mind is in a clear, quiet place
• Chose to refocus on one thought

Before you enter Quiet Mind, choose the one thought that you want to focus on. You could focus on a task at work, a relationship, or just focus on being at peace. Whatever you do, force yourself to stay focused on that one thing for at least a minute or two, rejecting all other thoughts that creep back into your thoughts. Once you are finished with your "break" get back to whatever you need to do with a sense of peace and clarity.

Quiet Mind is a tool that you can use at any time to allow yourself to become focused on the task at hand. If you need to focus on work, go to Quiet Mind, focus on what you need to accomplish at work, and then get back to work. When you get home from work, take a moment to go to a quiet mind before you enter the house so that you can leave work behind and focus on time with your family.

Give Quiet Mind a try. I think you will find that it will help you in all that you do.

Finding Peace

We live in a crazy world. First of all, there are so many things that are beyond our control from elections to earthquakes to global unrest. These daily crises around the world and in our own cities, states, and country have the power to affect us in many ways. Additionally, we are burdened by our daily lives and our personal problems. Whether it is being too busy, not having enough money to pay the bills, being overwhelmed at work, or any number of things that can plague each of us at any given time; we are all under a lot of stress on a regular basis.

It is my belief that one of the best ways to overcome this stress and the feelings of hopelessness that come with it is to take control of your own life. Make decisions to control the things that you can. Be proactive. Join a Girlfriend's Club and commit to making real life change so that you can move forward; allowing yourself to start living the life that you really want rather than the life that you feel stuck with.

While making a commitment to change is a good start, it is often not that easy. Once we make that commitment, we often still feel burdened by all of the same things that have weighed us down for years. The stress builds and it seems impossible to move forward.

This week I want to encourage you to try a simple technique to push aside the stress, allowing you to move forward once again with peace and purpose. It is called Quiet Mind. Part of the problem that we have in focusing on moving forward is that our minds are constantly racing with a million thoughts: I need to send an email at work, I need to go to the grocery store, I need to get new tires for my car, I can't believe that there was another bombing in Iraq today, etc. Our minds are constantly filled and flooded with endless thoughts and worries.

I want you to commit to 5 minutes of peace each day. Go to your car, lie down on your bed, find a quiet spot somewhere and just rest. Don't put on any music, don't bring a book, just allow yourself to be surrounded by the silence. As thoughts rush into your mind, do your best to push them away. Focus on a stream, the mountains, the trees, any image that gives you peace and helps you to feel rest. If 5 minutes seems too long, try 3 or even 1; it isn't that you get 5 minutes/day, it is just that you take time to take a break at least once a day. Just try it and see if it helps.

Next week I will expand on the idea of Quiet Mind. Go in peace and have a wonderful week.

Be Present

Life gets crazy and hectic. Today is my son's birthday but I still have to blog, send emails, work on a book that is coming up on a hard deadline, clean, do laundry, and cook dinner. That is a pretty normal day for me. Change some of the details but I'm guessing that's a pretty normal day for many of you too. It is hard to stay focused and be present when you have so much on your mind at any given time; when there are so many things that you have to keep track of just to get through the day.

No matter how busy I get, I have come to find that if I fail to be present, none of it really matters. If I am not present with my son later today, it won't matter that I completed my "to do list." If I fail to spend five minutes on the phone with my friend who had a rough day, really listening and supporting her, it won't matter that I put a post up for all of you to read. Finally, if I fail to be present with my husband, making time for him, it won't really matter if I finish my book by the deadline.

One of the biggest mistakes we make in this busy world is a lack of presence. We are always thinking about what comes next. When we are at work, we're thinking about home and when we're at home were thinking about work. Our work suffers because we're not focused and our relationships suffer because we're not really present.

I want to encourage you to practice being present this week. When you are at work, be there and do your work to the best of your ability. When you are with a friend or family member allow yourself to really be present and forget about all the other things that you need to get done.

I know that all of this is easier said than done but, if you don't try, things will never get any better. Sure, you'll still think about work when you're at home and, of course, you'll think about work when you are at home, but when those thoughts come, push them out to the best of your ability. The more you do it, the easier it will become to do it more and more.

Go and enjoy your week and be present in all that you do.

I Can't

"I can't" can be two of the most powerful words that you can utter. "I can't" means that the conversation is over. It means that there will be no further discussions, no new attempts, no Move Forward Solutions. "I can't" is the quickest, easiest way to shut yourself and others down.

When you say "I can't," the first thing that you do is stop others. When you tell them "I can't" there isn't much they can say about it. Sure there are those who will push and prod and force you to see that you really can do whatever it is that you say you can't, but, for the most part, "I can't" is the final word; you won't even try whatever it is that you say you can't do.

The other person that you stop when you say "I can't" is yourself. It stops you from continuing to process. It tells your brain to quit trying. When you say "I can't," whether you really can or not, you tell yourself that you won't so don't waste valuable time and energy on this one.

Today, I would like to encourage you to make a shift in your thinking. Instead of saying "I can't," say "How can I?" "How can I?" keeps the conversation going. It allows you to keep the question open and forces you to continue processing possible solutions. It allows others to enter the conversation with comments, ideas, and suggestions. "How can I?" is full of possibilities.

When you say "How can I?" you can come to many possible solutions. You might find that you really can't do one thing but you can do another. You could discover that while you can't do something now, you can do it later. Finally, you might discover that the reason why you can't do something is simply because you don't want to do it. It is good to recognize and acknowledge what we really do and don't want. Take ownership of those feelings and express them rather than copping out by saying "I can't."

I want to challenge you to eliminate the words "I can't" from your vocabulary. Try to find a better way to express yourself. Own up to it when you don't really want to do something. Allow yourself and others to come up with creative alternative solutions. Whatever you do, stop limiting the possibilities in your life with the belief that you can't.

Logically Speaking

Have you ever found yourself faced with a decision that was difficult to make? It may have been a simple decision like choosing which flavor of Ben and Jerry's to buy or it may have been a really complex decision like deciding to make a big career move. Whatever the decision, did you find yourself gravitating to the choice that "felt right"?

Women are great at connecting with their emotions, their feelings. We can make decisions based on our hearts with relative ease (this is not so simple for our male counterparts). However, when it comes to making head decisions, ones based on thought and logic rather than feelings and emotions, we don't always do so well (this is an area where the guys have us beat).

Women like to decide with their hearts and men like to decide with their heads. Both are fine ways of decision making but both are flawed and incomplete. On another day, in another blog, I'll deal with the men; but, for today, I want to address the women and our lack of logical decision-making.

For all of the Girlfriends on the Journey with me, I want to propose a challenge to you this week. This week in your Girlfriend's Clubs, challenge one another to set goals and make decisions based on logic. Try to put the heart aside for this week (although I know I never fully do) and try to use your head more.

What problems are you currently facing? What issues have you been working on with your Girlfriends? Take a moment to think; is there a logical solution to any of the problems that you have been working through? Is there a solution that you have yet to try because you have been following your heart instead of your head?

I don't want you to abandon your heart. It is my belief that good decisions, complete decisions, the best decisions will resonate with both your head and your heart. My challenge is simply this, put the heart aside for a bit, try to find a logical "head" solution and test that solution to see if it fits with your heart as well. Rather than starting with your heart, start with your head. Maybe then you will find the answers that you have been looking for.

How Are You REALLY Doing???

I don't know how many times a girlfriend has called to ask how I am doing and I have responded with the obligatory "fine, just fine." I tell her that the kids are doing well, work is great, we just went on a family hike over the weekend and life couldn't be better.

LIE

I should have told her that the kids are driving me crazy, work is really stressful, the family hike was fun but long and hot and we all got bug bites and sunburns that we are still suffering from.

Why didn't I tell the truth? Because it is too hard. First of all, it takes longer to tell the truth and I don't have that much time. Secondly, I don't want to listen to her advice. I know I should take it easy sometimes, cut back at work, get a sitter for the kids so that I don't go crazy, and stop feeling like I have to be Super Woman, but that isn't always as easy as she makes it sound.

The truth is, I like trying to be Super Woman. I like being busy. I like my job, my husband, and my kids. I just don't know what steps to take to make it all work better.

This week in your Girlfriend's Life Survival Club, I want you to work on a couple of things.

1. Start by being honest about your life. Be honest with yourself and be honest with your girlfriends
2. Listen to their advice. You don't have to take all of their suggestions but as your friends they might have some good ideas about simple ways to make your life easier, more fulfilling, and more enjoyable without making any drastic changes.
3. Try some simple solutions to make your day to day routine more manageable (take a bath once a week to relax, let your kids go to school with messy hair, get Take Out instead of making dinner). Find ways to give yourself a little breathing room.

You don't have to take great strides to make big positive changes in your life. Be honest about your struggles and let your Girlfriends help to you come up with some simple solutions. You might be surprised at what they come up with and how much better your life can be.

Girlfriend's Life Survival Club

Do you ever feel like your life just isn't going the way that you want it to? Are you frustrated with your career? Do you wish that your relationships were better? Would you like to be in better shape, more organized, or more relaxed? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you need the Girlfriend's Life Survival Club.

Here's what you need to get started.

• 4 friends (including you)
• 10 weeks
• A willingness to make small steps toward a better life

Sounds too simple to be true? Well it's not. The Girlfriend's club is a little experiment that I have been working on with a few of my friends. It has been a great way for all of us to stay connected and try simple solutions to make our lives more fulfilling.

If this sounds like something you would like to try, here's what you need to do:

1. Find 3 friends who want to join the club
2. Commit to calling each of the girlfriends 1/week
3. Each pick 2-4 goals to work on for the week (small goals that are attainable in a week like working out 3 times etc.)
4. Send an email to the girlfriends each week sharing about your goals, your struggles, and your progress.

Those are the basics. Over the next few months I will be sharing topics that will help you and your girlfriends to grow together. So keep tuning in.

Move Forward Solution

I have been sharing for the past few weeks about a difficult decision that I have had to make. I made the decision to send my daughter to preschool. She is a bit young, but she really seemed ready so I signed her up. She has had some difficulty with separation anxiety. I had to decide whether to push through it and keep her in school or admit that she wasn't quite ready and pull her out. I decided to keep her in for three reasons.

1. I knew logically that it would be good for her to go and that she actually enjoyed school and was probably putting on a bit of a show for mom to see if she could get her way.
2. I knew emotionally that I needed the few hours break that preschool would provide to pursue a writing and speaking career that would be quite fulfilling and take the pressure off of my husband and kids to be my sole source of existence.
3. I knew instinctively that she was ready and it was the right thing to do for the entire family.

It was a decision that was confirmed in my head, heart, and core. I call these kind of solutions Move Forward Solutions. A Move Forward Solution is a solution to a problem that is confirmed in all three areas. Finding a solution that agrees with your head, heart, and core will greatly increase your chances of having a solution that actually works.

Shadow Solutions agree with only one or two of these areas and are often the simple solutions that we settle for because we believe that these solutions will be "good enough." We often find ourselves struggling with the same problem over and over because these Shadow Solutions don't actually solve the problem but merely act as a band-aid that will slow the bleeding for a time. But as all band-aids do, these solutions eventually fall away and we are left with the same problems.

When you commit to finding a Move Forward Solution, one that is confirmed in your head, heart, and core, you can be almost sure that it will work. When you find that you have an answer that is logically, emotionally, and instinctively confirmed, you can Know that you Know that you Know you have found the solution to your problem.

The next time you face a difficult problem in your life, don't settle for the Shadow Solution; fight to find the Move Forward Solution. You won't be sorry you did.

Core Solutions

Over the past few weeks I have talked to you about making decisions and finding solutions. I have used the example of sending my not-so-enthusiastic daughter to preschool. First I told you about the logical decision to send her; it just makes sense to make her go. Then I talked about the emotional decision to send her; I really needed a break and a chance to work on my career. Today I want to talk to you about my core decision to send her.

A core decision is something that is instinctive. It is a decision that you can't necessarily explain, you just know in your gut that it is right. Many people talk about core decisions when they are intending to marry, they don't know why it is the right decision to get married, they just have a gut feeling that it is the right thing to do. People also trust core decisions when planning which college to attend. After all the research and school visits, one school just "feels right."

When making decisions, we are often forced to go to our core, the place deep down inside, to come to a final conclusion. When the right answer isn't always clear, we often trust that gut instinct to guide us to the right decision.

Sending my daughter to school right now is a choice. She is young enough that I could pull her out. However, something in my gut tells me that this is the right decision for both of us. She really wants to be there and the only thing holding her back from fully enjoying school is the five minute separation anxiety that she feels when I drop her off. For now, I believe that I need to trust my gut instinct that I am doing the right thing by sending her.

If you are struggling to make a decision now, ask yourself what your core is telling you. Call it women's intuition, call it gut instinct, whatever you call it, the internal sense that guides you to a decision is more often right than wrong. Trust it.

Emotional Solutions

Last time I told you about my logical decision to keep my daughter in preschool despite my emotional pull to take her out. As a woman, I often defer to my emotional side when I am making a decision. It is what comes naturally to me. My husband, on the other hand, prefers to lean on logic. This is much more typical of a man. While I was torn emotionally to pull my daughter out of school, I also had emotional prompts telling me to keep her in.

I was not always inclined to be the mother type. When I was in high school and college, career had been my main focus. I wanted to be a success in that arena long before I ever attempted to have a successful marriage and family. My husband messed up those plans (in a good way) when he proposed to me before I had the chance to finish my degree (which I still obtained after we were married).

As often occurs, marriage led to children which led me to the hold button on my career. Don't get me wrong, I have loved every minute that I have spent with my husband and children, but I know that it isn't enough. My kids will grow up and leave some day and I will need to have something else to do with my life. I owe it to them to take the pressure off. They should not be wholly responsible for my happiness. And, while my husband is a wonderful support and the love of my life, he should not hold sole responsibility for my happiness either.

Therefore, I was left with the need to make an emotional decision to find something that would fill my days, give me satisfaction, and allow me to find joy and fulfillment outside the role of wife and mother. In order to do that, I would need a few hours a week in order to pursue a career.

I know that a few hours a three times a week will not make me the writer and speaker that I eventually want to become but I know that it will give me a great head-start for the time when my kids are a little older and a little more self-sufficient. If I take the time now to work on these things, my career can really take off when I have the time.

In my heart I know that, for now, I need to keep my daughter in school. Tears or not, she needs to go or I will completely lose myself

Logical Solutions

As a woman, I find that it is much easier for me to find solutions that are emotionally rather than logically based. I talk a lot about what I am feeling. I base many of my decisions on what "feels" right.

This week my daughter started preschool. She is a bit young to start but her school has a class for younger children and her older brother is already enrolled. She had wanted to go for a long time so that she could be just like brother. However, when she finally went to class, the separation anxiety got the better of her.

I have stayed at home with both of my kids since they were born. It was a sacrifice that I chose to make for my benefit and theirs. It has been a wonderful experience. But, now I am working on career in writing and motivational speaking. I need a few hours a week to pursue that dream. In addition, my kids are getting bored with me and with the limited activities and playmates that we have at home. It was a long hard summer and we were all ready for school to be back in session.

When I drop my daughter off at school, she begins to wail. It pulls at my heartstrings and makes it hard for me to leave her there. This is, of course, the response that she hopes to elicit by such a show. When I pick her up, she is always smiling and excited. She can't wait to show me the picture that she made. She spends the whole car ride home telling me all about her day. Even though I know she is OK, her emotional display tugs at me. It beckons me to pick her up and never leave her at school again.

My husband, who has a pretty good head on his shoulders, has told me that she needs to stay in school. She is fine. All logic points to that fact. She needs the stimulation and I need the break. She is in school for less than 8 hours/week, a reasonable amount of time. It is good for both of us to have this break from each other.

I know that his logic is sound, I just have to convince my heart. The logical solution is to keep her in school for the good of us both.

Stay tuned over the next few weeks for the continuing saga.

Make it Happen

It has been a crazy week all around. I have been soooo busy that sleep has been hard to come by. I have hardly had a chance to sit down. I have so much stress that I feel physically ill at times. I work all day, dawn 'til dusk and then some and I still have things left to do at the end of the day. Have you ever felt like this?

I have also made a commitment to myself and to you to write this blog every week. Maybe you too have committed to a goal that you would like to achieve through LifeWalking. Unfortunately, our lives don't quit just because we are working toward life change.

At times like these, I really desire to give up on the things that aren't so pressing. This blog is one of the things that seems like it could go. Sure I didn't get it done on Wednesday, my typical day to blog, but I did it. You too can achieve the things that you desire in your life. It might not always be perfect. Chances are you won't meet all of your deadlines. However, you can still have all the things you want in life. You just have to make it happen.

Let the Adventure Begin

Hopefully, by now, you have found your LifeWalking partner and you have focused on 1-3 things to work on with that partner. Once you have completed these two vital steps, all that is left to do is begin the journey. This is the fun part. Now you can find yourself moving into real life change. You can begin to shed that lack-luster feeling that has been holding you back and you can embrace the bright future that lies ahead.

A journey is a simple thing. It is a commitment to work with another person over the course of ten weeks to move forward your dreams and goals. Therefore, the parameters are simple:

1. Set your start and end date
2. Set your meeting times (Can be in person or over the phone. Can be once a week , twice, even daily)
3. Define your goals
4. Do it!

That really is all it takes to journey. You dictate what works for your schedule and how much support you need. You control meeting time, length, and location to fit your needs. The most important thing is that you make a commitment to move forward in some area of your life and you do it!

Stop talking about changing your life and get out there and DO IT!!!

Move Forward

Last week we explored the first step to eradicating the "blah" feeling in your life. I encouraged you to make a list of all the things that you think you could change in order to get your life moving forward again. Then I encouraged you to sit with that list for awhile and, little by little, narrow it down to a few possibilities. Hopefully you have made the list of things you would like to try and now you have it down to 10 or fewer options. Go over the options now and consider those that you believe would yield the greatest results with the least difficulty. Now, let's explore options for enacting change.

The first thing that I do when I am ready to make a change is consider the person whom I believe will be able to help me accomplish it most effectively. At times I have asked a friend or a mentor to step alongside me to help and encourage me to move forward. Other times people have sought me out, recognizing that I need help and I have chosen to accept the offer rather than allowing my pride to stand in the way of my success. Finally, I have hired help (therapists, coaches, doctors, trainers, etc.) who are experts in the fields that I am addressing. I look for the person that I believe will offer me the greatest support in an effort to maximize my chances for successful life change.

Now that you have narrowed down your list of possible life changes, start a list of possible LifeWalking partners. Think of people that you believe will maximize your chances of success and then don't be too proud to ask them for the help. Not everyone will say yes (even the professionals might be too booked to take you on) but, don't lose heart, just keep searching and eventually the right person will be willing to join your team. Don't worry, I rarely hear a "no." I have been pleasantly surprised on multiple occasions at the willingness of others to step up and assist me in my attempts to move forward.

Today is the day that your life can begin to change. Just find your LifeWalking partner and little by little, you will move forward into the life you always knew was possible.

The Possibilities are Endless

Often we get the feeling that there needs to be change in our lives, but, we have no idea what kind of change we need. We just feel "blah." It is unclear why we feel this way but we know that if we don't change something, and fast, that nasty little enemy called depression will be knocking at our doors in no time.

It is hard to know what to change when you are feeling lack luster in general. It could be your career that needs a boost. Your relationships might need a recharge. A new hobby could be the spark that you have been looking for. Possibly it is your spirituality that needs a boost. In my own life, I have enacted change in all of these areas (but not all at once) in order get my life moving in the right direction. Maybe you too could regain the sparkle in your life by enacting change.

When I find myself with that vague "blah" feeling, I start out by making a list. I make a list of all the things I want to try. I list all the things I think I need to change. I recall things that others have encouraged me to change. I make a complete and comprehensive list of all the things I could change in order to get moving forward with my life again; then I wait. I live with that list for a few days, sometimes a few weeks, and little by little I whittle that list down to a few things that I know that I can accomplish and I believe will make a difference in the way that I am feeling.

Are you feeling the way that I have felt so many times in my life? Could change be a good thing in your life? Start making your list and then tune in next week and I will give you some more tips about what to do with that list.

Simple enough. You can do this. Life change can start today!

Change Isn't Easy

Many times as I have struggled to enact life change, I have run into situations that are difficult or even impossible. When I encountered these challenges, many well-meaning friends and family members encouraged me to explore the possibility that those difficulties were a sign. They believed that the problems that I encountered were there to direct me away from a course that was wrong. While I agree, that, at times, difficulties are a sign that we are on the wrong path, often they are just obstacles to achieving the future that we hope for. Nothing worth having comes without a price. Sometimes these difficulties are just the price we pay to see growth and change in our lives.

I think of some famous examples of people who have overcome obstacles that would have made a lesser man or woman quit: I am sure that Mother Theresa had more than a few doubts as she faced many challenging days during her work in India. I believe that Lance Armstrong probably wanted to quit more than once as he battled cancer and again as he fought to reach the pinnacle of cycling after he had beaten the cancer. I am sure that you can come up with many more examples of great men and women who fought through the doubt and pain to achieve the greatness that they knew was theirs.

If you are facing struggles in your journey and you are beginning to doubt, it is time for a gut-check. Ask yourself: Are these struggles a part of the process or a sign? Do you believe you are on the right path or the wrong one? Do you need to reassess your goals or recommit yourself to the task at hand?

You are probably not working to help the poor in India or battling cancer in order to resume a professional cycling career but, whatever change you are working to implement in your life is worthwhile. Whether it is losing ten pounds, starting a new career, or finding a deeper faith in God, it is a valuable pursuit and worth fighting for. Don't allow the difficulty to dissuade you from your path. Your life is worth the fight. Go out there and keep fighting; it will all be worth it in the end.

Don't Worry

This week I was speaking with a friend who is on the cusp of some big things in her life. She got a new job a few months ago but the job is really stressful and she is not sure if she likes it. Now she is getting ready to move into a new apartment. The apartment will eliminate a nearly 2-hour daily commute and will allow her to get more rest, have more free time, and enable her to connect with co-workers and friends much more easily in her spare time (and now she will have almost 10 hours more of that per week). Most of you are probably thinking, "What's the problem?" Well, she is very worried right now. She is worried that the move won't work, she won't feel more rested, and she will just fill up that free time with more work instead of enjoyable activities. She could wind up more miserable than she is now.

We have all been here: on the verge of a big, positive life change that is very scary. Because it is so scary we give into that fear and begin to worry about all of the negative possibilities. The more we worry, the more we ensure that the change will not be good and all of those things that we have built up in our minds may really come true. Have you ever heard of self-fulfilling prophecy? By believing that something can/will happen, we actually make it happen; not because it was going to happen anyway but because we made it happen.

All of us are prone to worry. I worry about many things. However, I try not to end with my fears. I think of the worst case scenario and I process it. In the scenario of my friend, maybe all of the things that she fears will come to pass. If that happens, she will then know that her job is just way too stressful and not a career that she can enjoy long term. At that time, she can begin to think of a career that would be good for her and she can begin to pursue that career instead. She can LifeWalk a career change with me and we can work together to get her into a job that will not be so stressful. But, the move could be the thing that makes a big change for her. It could free up time for her to be able to pursue some things outside of work that bring her great joy and help to relieve that stress from work. With some of that stress eliminated, she could begin to really enjoy her job. That joy could translate to her doing better work. If she does better work she could get a raise or a promotion. Just as there is a possible worst case scenario, there is a potential best case scenario. Reality probably lies somewhere between the two. She just needs to give it time and allow it to reveal itself to her. Only then can she address the issues that actually arise, not just the ones that she imagines.

What are you worried about right now? What aspects can you control and what can't you control? What are your best/worst case scenarios? What would your reaction be to each of these?

Now that you have processed, you just have to live. Time will tell what will happen and when it does, you will be strong enough to get through whatever comes. Just make sure to have one or two good LifeWalking partners in the wings so that you will be ready when the time comes.

Look How Far We've Come

I often find myself looking at all that I have to do rather than all that I have done. My mental "To Do" list is in a constant state of growth. It can become so burdensome that it is a challenge to keep moving. I often struggle to grow in my life because I simply can't add another thing to that list. Even when I have committed to a journey and am trying to grow in some area of my life, I find myself wanting to quit because I don't believe I can do it all.

When I find myself stuck under the weight of all my obligations, I have discovered it is better to look at what lies behind me rather than ahead. When I look back, I begin to see all that I have accomplished rather than all that I have left to do. I see that I am strong and capable. I have the talents and abilities to accomplish all of my goals. I have done more than I remember. It is astonishing that I was able to accomplish so much in such a little time.

Have you ever had one of those spring cleaning days? The kind of day in which you make more of a mess cleaning than existed before you started. Making changes in your life is much like that. You have to clean out all of the junk before you can truly clean and organize your life. At the end of one of those days, it is easy to feel that you didn't accomplish much. The house is still a big mess. However, if you look back and reflect on all that you did, you begin to realize that you actually accomplished a lot. You cleaned the hidden areas in order to make your home a safer, cleaner, better functioning space. It took some time and effort but it will save you far more in the future. When you take the time to clean out the muck in your life you will reap the rewards farther down the road.

Take some time today to reflect on all that you have accomplished. There might be a long hard road ahead with lots to do but you can do anything that you set your mind to. Just look at all that you have accomplished already.

Give Me A Break

We are nearing the 4th of July and many of us are taking vacations, spending time with family, and just taking a little break from everyday stresses. For me, this holiday included a week-long road trip with my kids, my husband, and a couple members of his family. It is wonderful to be away from home. It is a joy not to have to think about all of the little things that I have to do everyday just to keep up. I am a driven person with dreams and goals. Sometimes it is hard for me to really let all of that go and just give myself a break.

There is never a really good time to take a journey to move closer to your dreams, goals, and desires. There is always something that comes up in the middle of it that seems to derail you for at least a couple of days, if not from your journey entirely. I want to encourage you to feel free to take breaks now and then, even if you are in the middle of a journey. There is no rule in journeying that says that you must go for ten weeks straight with no breaks. You can take a break for a little while and then just pick up where you left off. Just make a point before the break to schedule the reinstatement of your journey.

It really is important for us to have breaks. We just aren't built to keep going and going with no real rest. Take breaks between your journeys. Take breaks during your journeys for holidays or special events. Enjoy a short break if you are just feeling overwhelmed. Many times the reason that we don't finish our journeys and achieve our dreams, goals, and desires is that we forget to rest. We must remember to always care for our mental, spiritual, and physical well being. If we don't, we will be incapable of reaching our full potential.

Enjoy the holiday and take a break!

You Always Have a Choice

As I sit here, I am recounting numerous conversations with friends in which they have shared some very challenging situations in their lives. These situations range from relationships to career to religion to family and everything in between. The one common thread in each of these conversations is the feeling of hopelessness that each of my friends has had about the particular situation that each one is facing. They all feel that there is nothing that they can do to change their circumstances. They are simply left to endure the hardship. They struggle to find ways to survive but they have all stopped living in some way or another. There is a real lack of hope and joy in these conversations.

As I listen through the tears my heart is filled with empathy and compassion. I too have found myself in situations that seem impossible. I have struggled to find even a glimmer of hope. However, I have been blessed to discover one truth that has set me free from the downward spiral: There is ALWAYS a choice. Once I discovered that I had the power to make a choice I became a new woman. I could either remove myself from whatever was holding me down or accept that it is my choice to remain in my current circumstances. I have all the power. It is up to me to decide how to respond to those things in my life that are out of my control. When I focus on what I can do I am instantly set free. I can never control another person. I am incapable of controlling everything that happens in my life. However, I can always control my response.

When you find yourself in a situation that seems to have no hope, remember, there is always a choice. If you have a difficult relationship with your father you can choose to see him or not. Whatever you choose there will be consequences but the choice is yours. It is up to you to decide which consequences are more tolerable. If being single makes you unhappy, you have a choice. You can choose to lower your standards. You can try new methods to meet someone. You can seek counsel to deal with your feelings about being single. If it is your career that has got you down, you too have a choice. You can quit. You can keep working but look for a new job. You can try to make your current job better. You can go back to school. I know that many of these choices are not exactly what you would want, but they are choices nonetheless.

The choice is yours. What are you going to do? Are you going to continue to give your power away to others who wish to control you and hold you back? Or will you take the high road and decide to make whatever choice is best for you? It may not always be easy to accept the choices available to you. Remember, once you begin to take control and make your own choices things almost always improve. Often, the act of choosing that which is best for you will lead you down a path that will afford you new and better options.

Get out there and start making choices!!!

Ouch, I Hit a Speed Bump!

Changing your life is hard. There is never a good time to make a life change, big or small. We are always too busy, tired, stressed, and overwhelmed to commit to serious growth and improvement. We are, therefore, forced to jump in when we know we are not totally ready to commit to the change. We have to start sometime because there will never be a perfect time. Inevitably, we will hit some pretty big speed bumps. The question becomes: what should you do when you run head-on into a real hard one?

The answer: pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and continue to move forward. I am reminded of a line from Finding Nemo, "Just keep swimming." Like Dory, you need to keep going even when it's hard. You persist even when success seems unlikely. Even though everything in your being is telling you to quit, you can and should keep moving forward in order to achieve your goals. If you do carry on, you won't be sorry.

I recall the dozens of times I have tried to implement a new workout routine in my life. Here's how it goes: I decide to start on a Monday. I make it to the gym like I planned and I feel good. On Tuesday I am really tired but I still go. By Wednesday it is getting really hard to keep up with the routine. On Thursday I am exhausted from a late night on Wednesday. Friday I would rather go out with friends than go to the gym. I decide to take the weekend to relax. By Monday I am definitely not feeling it anymore so I quit.

Imagine how different that scenario could look: On Monday I could have recommitted myself to the process. I could have tried to do better in week two knowing that I would face many of the same struggles I faced in week one. Week two could have been better or it might have been worse. I could get sick in week two. Week three: I could recommit to the regimen that I designed. I could continue to fight against my shortcomings and the challenges of my life and I could begin to see real change in my health, my body, and my life.

We are all going to hit many more speed bumps on the road to life change than we would like (because we would like to avoid them all). The problem is not those things standing in your way; your reaction to those challenges is the solution to finding the real life change that you have always wanted.

How have you responded to speed bumps in the past? What speed bumps are you allowing to slow you down now? What could you to overcome those challenges in order to move forward with the life change that you desire?

Can I Do This?

Yes you can!

Whatever the "this" is, you can do it. Most of the time when we commit to do something, it is because we know we have the tools and abilities to do it or we know we can get them. What we don't often have is the encouragement to keep doing it until we have accomplished whatever we set out to do.

I know that I am gifted in many areas but I often have a hard time believing it. On those rough days when I just don't know if I can go on, what usually gets me through is an encouraging word from a friend or family member telling me that I have what it takes.

Imagine if you approached a goal with your cheering section already in place. That is what LifeWalking can do for you. If you have a goal in mind, ask someone to LifeWalk that goal with you. While that person will be able to offer support and guidance, her most important job will be to encourage you to keep going even when it is difficult and you would rather quit. When we have moral support to get us through the challenges in life, our chances of success are far greater.

Think about the things that you want to do with your life. If you are feeling some trepidation, try assembling a cheering section to LifeWalk you through it. You will probably find that a little encouragement will go a long way in helping you to achieve all that you set out to do.

Restoration Through LifeWalking

We have all been in relationships, with both family and friends, which have become estranged. Sometimes there is a clear and defined cause for the estrangement. Often, there is no apparent reason for the rift. However, the tension that can be felt between the two of you every time you meet or speak is obvious. For me, it is that building tension that causes me to seek a solution to whatever caused the estrangement. I hate conflict and I love relationships so it is always in my best interest to resolve the issue as quickly as possible. Maybe you feel the same way.

I have found that LifeWalking can be a powerful means to resolve estrangements. LifeWalking is, first and foremost, a relational process. It forces you to engage the relationship even when it is difficult or uncomfortable. LifeWalking also requires processing and as such can be used to process whatever it is that caused your estrangement. Finally, LifeWalking requires a move-forward solution. By choosing to LifeWalk with someone, you can move past whatever caused the estrangement.

I found myself to be estranged from a good friend. I approached her about the possibility of LifeWalking to get our relationship back on track and she agreed. It was wonderful to meet and talk regularly. We were able to talk through our issues. We were bonded by our shared goal of finding move-forward solutions for our conflicts. Finally, we were able to move past the drama, understand each other better, and move-forward in a more positive way in our relationship. We are now better friends than we ever were before this conflict.

Do you find yourself estranged from a friend or family member? Do you think LifeWalking could be a good solution for you?

This is Above My Pay Grade

We often make a choice to walk with someone through a challenging time in life. It can quickly become clear that we are in over our heads. Sometimes it is a question of expertise; we simply fail to possess the skills necessary to help. It can also be a lack of professional pedigree; you need a doctor or therapist and I am not one. Finally, it can be a lack of enthusiasm; I just don't have enough interest in the topic that you are pursing to really assist you in the manner that you need. Whatever is causing you to realize that you are in over your head, it is time to call for reinforcements.

We often feel obligated to help with any problem that a friend might bring to us and even though we recognize our own inability to effectively help, we continue to try to help to our own detriment and the detriment of our friends. It is an important step in your maturity to recognize when you are unable to help. When you realize your inability to effectively help, it is your responsibility to your friend/LifeWalking partner to call for help or encourage her to do so.

Even when we ask for reinforcements, we can still LifeWalk with our friends through the process. We can go to appointments, help with childcare, ask about the process, etc. Just because we can't fix everything doesn't mean that our part of the journey is over, many times it is just taking a new shape. Often the new roles that we take on when we call for help are quite beneficial to ourselves and our LifeWalking partners.

Do you feel in over your head in your own life or someone else's?
Who could you call in to help?

Keep Opening Doors

A few days ago I was speaking with a friend who is trying to move forward in a few areas in her life. We have been LifeWalking these changes for a couple of months and while there has been great forward progress, she has failed to reach the level of success that she would like to achieve. She ask me the other day, "Ellen, what more should I be doing that I am not doing now?" I could hear the frustration in her voice and the near desperation. My answer to her was "just keep opening doors."

It seems like a simplistic response but sometimes in life all we can do is keep trying. It isn't that we are necessarily doing something wrong, it is only that we need to be more patient or possibly try something else. I was reminded of the movie Julie and Julia while I was talking with her. In the movie, we are brought into the worlds of two women who are desperately trying to make it work. It is mostly about making their careers work but there is a more subtle way in which they are trying to make their lives work. What impressed me about these two real life characters is their tenacity; they never gave up. In the end, they both found success personally and professionally.

You too can find the success that you desire in your life. We all need to keep moving forward. It is important that we keep open minds and a willingness to try new things when we find that we are not getting the results that we desire.

Just keep opening doors; if it takes 3 or 300 tries to get it right, all that really matters is that we get it right in the end.

I Don't Have All the Answers

I often find myself in situations in which I simply don't know what to do. I come across a question for which I either have too many possible answers and I don't know which one to choose or I am completely lost and I don't have a clue what I should do. When I get into these situations my instinct is often to do nothing; I just leave it alone hoping that it will work itself out or go away if I just ignore it for long enough. Too often, that is the worst thing for me to do. By ignoring things I have missed out on great opportunities, allowed bad situations to get worse, lost time and money, and forced myself to deal with stress that simply wasn't necessary. It has become clear to me that in life it is simply better to just deal with things, come up with solutions, and move on.

Unfortunately, sometimes that isn't possible because, I as stated before, I just don't know what to do. That is where LifeWalking comes in. LifeWalking can be the solution to the problem of not having a good answer. You can make the decision to walk through possible resolutions with someone else. You can bring whatever problem you have (personal, financial, spiritual, etc.) to a trusted friend or advisor and simply ask her to walk through the options with you. She may come up with a great solution that you would have come up with on your own were it not for all the stress. She can help you to sift through the pros and cons of all possible resolutions in order to decide the best solution to your particular problem. In the end, if you LifeWalk those things that are simply too hard to process perfectly on your own you can find yourself coming up with better solutions to all of your problems. In the end, you can save yourself all of the stress, time, and money that you were losing when you were choosing to ignore the problem and you can channel it into much more productive use in your life.

What issue are you currently facing that you do not have an answer to? Who could you ask to LifeWalk a solution with you?

Go and choose to face your life with the support of someone else rather than missing out simply because, like all of us, you don't have all the answers.

Greater Love Hath No One

Greater love hath no man than to lay down his life for his friends. What a truth! However, I have found that this is a truth that is often misunderstood. It is easy to think in the grand scheme that there is no greater love than to lay down your life (your actual life) for your friend but I find very few people that understand this in the day to day sense. I am working on laying my life down in the daily sense and I would encourage you to do the same.

The other day my friend wanted to get together and it was her birthday so I felt even more obligated to make it happen than I would on a normal basis. It wasn't easy to get together with her; I had to make sure that my husband was able to stay home with the kids and didn't have something else planned. I had to get all of my household duties done early so that I would be able to leave in time to meet for dinner, I needed to plan a meal for my husband and kids even though I wouldn't be eating with them and I had to make sure that all of the things that my kids needed for bedtime were ready. On top of that, I had to endure the dreaded tears and sobs of "mommy don't go" as I was leaving. That is my life; the typical life of a stay at home wife and mother but in order to be there for my friend, I had to lay that down and make adjustments to my daily schedule. It wasn't easy, but it was worth it to be there for my friend. I have had many circumstances over the years where I have been forced to lay down my life, my time, money, energy, etc. in order to be there for a friend. I have also had many friends do this for me and I can't even begin to repay them for all of the love and support that they have given me over the years.

LifeWalking is a very real and practical way to lay down your life for your friends. If you have a friend who has asked you to LifeWalk with her or if you know of a friend who is struggling and could benefit from LifeWalking, know that this is a very powerful way that you can lay down your life once or twice a week for a season in order to be there for a friend. You will not regret it.

I challenge you to search your soul and ask yourself, how truly willing am I to lay down my life for a friend?

Church is not for Listening to

When was the last time you heard a great sermon or speech that really touched you and prompted you to want to make a life change? For me, nearly every sermon or speech touches me in some way. Many times I just change my thinking slightly or open myself up to new information but every so often a message comes along that inspires me to make a life change that will bring me to a move forward solution. It is at those times that it is essential to find a way to process that message in a manner that will ensure that you actually move forward with the kind of change that you desire.

Much of the time we think of church as a spectator sport; we go, listen, go home, and pat ourselves on the back for having done the good Christian thing by being present. It is my belief that this is completely contrary to the plan that God has for our lives. It is not enough merely to be there and to listen, we need to act and grow, and that is what it is all about. Good information that does not bear fruit is meaningless. When you take that good information and live it out in a powerful way, the result is the fruit. God put us on this earth to be bearers of fruit not consumers of information.

Take the last great message that you heard and make a choice to move it forward in your life. What information did you receive in that message? What is the action that you will take to move forward in a manner that will bear fruit? Who could walk with you to coach, encourage, mentor, and inspire you to see it through?

Stop going to church just to listen and begin leaving church with an intention to LIVE!!!

Don't Judge a Book by its Cover

A few weeks ago I picked up a book at the library and I was so tempted to judge it by the cover. It had the typical Christian Women's book cover complete with pastels. I had done a search for a good devotional and this one seemed to fit the bill for all of my criteria but when I saw it on the shelf every impulse in my body said run. I couldn't pick up this book. I didn't want people to see me checking it out. What if someone saw it sitting on my coffee table? I would lose all of my street cred if anyone knew that I was in possession of this book (OK so as a young mother of 2 my street cred is already essentially zero, but still). I pushed past all of my impulses to bolt and I checked it out anyway. It was one of the best decisions I ever made; this simple book is literally changing my life. As I pick it up each day and read a new passage, I am refreshed and renewed. It is as if the book was written for me and it seems as though each message was crafted specifically for the day that I am reading it. I am so glad that I was able to put skepticism aside and find a true gem that God wanted to bestow on me.

I wonder how many life changing experiences I have missed simply because I was too skeptical to embrace them. I am the kind of person who looks at everything with a critical eye. I don't jump on bandwagons and I am careful not to get too excited about anything until I am sure that it is really worth it. I question the validity of nearly everything from sermons to salesmen. I just don't want to get sucked into all of the hype and then be disappointed. However, I have been learning that I have been selling myself short for a long time. All of this skepticism has really turned into a self fulfilling prophecy more often than not. I caution myself not to get too caught up in a spiritual movement and not surprisingly, my spiritual life stays rather dull and stagnant. I resist the impulse to participate in fashion trends (not always a bad idea) and my wardrobe is rather boring. I know that I can't jump at every offer that comes my way but I am learning to open myself up to certain possibilities and I am learning not to be so judgmental.

I know that this whole LifeWalking thing might just seem like the next great thing that will fire you up but leave no real lasting result. I get that you may not want to give it a try for fear of being let down again (one of my biggest reasons for being so skeptical). I just want to encourage you that this isn't just the next craze that will fire you up only to let you down; this is a lifestyle change that can transform the way that you see relationships and enable you to reach your full potential in ways you never dreamed possible. I know that I haven't exactly laid it all out perfectly at this time so please, contact me with your questions and concerns and trust that more information is coming but know that you can trust this process and most importantly you can trust God to use this process to transform your life.

It's not Where I've Been but Where I'm Going

I have discovered one very real and comforting truth about LifeWalking:
It will meet you where you are at but it will never leave you there!

You can be young or old and LifeWalking can work for you. You can be in a great place spiritually, emotionally, or psychologically or in a very dark place and LifeWalking can work for you. You can have all the answers or none and you can still be a champion LifeWalker. LifeWalking really is for everyone and it will meet everyone exactly where they are in life good, bad, or ugly.

It is a great comfort to me that I am always a good candidate for LifeWalking but it is even more comforting to know that LifeWalking will never leave me where I was when I started. I have grown in all areas of my life and I know that I never would have attained such amazing growth without the support of LifeWalking. I have lost weight, gained self-esteem, realized desires that God had placed on my heart years ago, achieved goals of all kinds, become a better friend, overcome bouts of depression, and grown leaps and bounds in my relationship with God. This is only a small sample of the places that LifeWalking has taken me and the opportunities for you to go even father and higher are very real.

I ask you, where are you right now? Are you in a place that LifeWalking could meet you?
Where do you want to go? Maybe LifeWalking can take you there.

Oops! I Didn't Plan on That

I find myself constantly challenged by the unexpected turns that life takes. I make great plans for my life and have an organized vision of how to get there but it seems that things never go exactly as planned. There are always things that come up that I didn't expect and I am forced to think on my feet and come up with a solution to deal with whatever may have come up. Maybe you noticed that for the first time I am posting on a Monday not Wednesday, curve ball. Due to scheduling conflicts this week, I have my work day today instead of Wednesday. I had to think on my feet and make a decision, shift my plans or forfeit the opportunity to connect with you this week in the time that I had available; I chose the latter.

As I have LifeWalked over the years I have come across many circumstances that threatened to derail my best laid plans. I have encountered illness (mine and my family's), financial woes, weather, scheduling conflicts, delays of all kinds and I have often considered giving up on my desires because at times it just seemed too hard to overcome all the obstacles that stood in my way. To be honest, I have given up more times that I care to admit and I have regretted that decision. I have also found the strength to press on through much of this adversity and I have seen amazing results in my life and in the lives of others as a consequence of our efforts to move beyond the obstacles that sought to hold us back.

In truth, your best asset in LifeWalking (as in life) is flexibility. It is important to make a plan and to do your best to stick with it; for instance, I had to make a commitment to blog each Wednesday or I never would have consistently done it. Then it is important to make changes and tweaks to that plan when things aren't working out. I have found at times it is even necessary to scrap the plan entirely and come up with a new plan in order to reach a desired goal. The main thing is to make sure that you don't give up completely on your desires. If you have decided to pursue a desire through LifeWalking, chances are that it is something that matters to you deeply. DON'T GIVE UP, press on and do your best to achieve that goal even when it isn't easy.

Take a moment to think about the things that are holding you back from achieving your desires; is there something that you can do to make things work? Do you need to make an entirely new plan or can you just tweak the plan that you already have in order to make it work?

Keep at it. Nothing worth having comes without cost.

What Should I be LifeWalking?

One of the hardest parts of beginning a LifeWalking journey is deciding what your focus should be. For me it is often that I have too many things that I would like to process. I am a work in progress and I know that I always have something that I could be working on. For some of my friends, it is the opposite, they can't think of anything to work on. Very few people initially zero in on exactly what they would like to process during a journey.

The first step for me is always to search out the desires of my heart. I seek out those things that God has laid on my heart recently or long ago that I know I need to process in a deeper way. You will find that LifeWalking is an exceptional way to move forward with those desires.

With LifeWalking, less is more; it is to your advantage to pick two or three desires to LifeWalk in any given journey and save the others for a later time. If you fill your plate with too many things, you will be unable to focus and process those desires that are most important to you with the time and dedication that they deserve. You must prioritize and work on those things that are most important to you now.

I find that it is helpful to process at least one easy desire and one that is more complex and challenging. Easy desires are things that are simply defined and executed. It is easy to start reading for an hour every night before bed. You can measure it and do it. You know when you have succeeded and when you have failed. It might not be easy to convince yourself to do it every night but it doesn't take much processing to figure out how to do it. A more complex desire is something that cannot be defined or measured in simple terms. It can be a vison or passion that you want to pursue or a concept that you want to examine. Complex desires can involve relationships, career moves, spiritual pursuits, and self reflection. These things can take a lot of processing and often take many turns and different forms as you process them through LifeWalking. It is amazing to see what comes out of these desires at the end of the journey, you often find that by processing them with someone else, you have a better grasp of where you needed to go all along and a sense that you never would have gotten there without LifeWalking.

Hopefully this gives you some food for thought. LifeWalking is funny; there are often many directions that you can take. The key is to zero in on the desires that would be best to pursue now not later and those desires that would be processed best with the person that you are partnering with. Know your audience and tailor your goals in that way.

If you are ready to start a journey here are a few simple steps to get you started in selecting your desires:

• Make a list of all the desires that you want to pursue and rank them
• Separate your list into easy and more complex desires
• Ask yourself if there is a particular desire that your current LifeWalking partner has expertise in
• Finalize your list of two to three desire to pursue in a 10 week journey
• START THE JOURNEY!!!

Roadblocks: How to Handle the Inevitable Setbacks

In the course of my life I have attended seminars, sermons, inspirational speeches, read books, and had motivating conversations with friends that have all lead me to undertake some type of positive life change. I have decided to recommit myself to my faith, be a more patient parent, exercise more consistently, or take a more proactive role in my career to name a few. I really want to see these changes take root in my life and I desire to commit myself completely to the change. I get started and for the first day or two, everything is great; my energy is high and I am successful. Then after a couple of days I find the energy beginning to subside but I am still strongly committed to the change. A few more days pass and life inevitably throws me a curve that makes me miss a quiet time or work-out, lose my cool with my kids, or fail to complete my check list for the day but I am undeterred, after all, we all have setbacks and I know I can get right back on the horse tomorrow. After a few more days pass and life keeps throwing those curve balls I find myself missing the mark again and again and my enthusiasm and drive begin to fade. It isn't that I don't still want the change, it's just that change is hard and the status quo is naturally so easy. It is at this point that I usually give up on the big change and allow myself to be satisfied with the small victories that I have achieved.

It is amazing how quickly we will give up the things that we want most in life. There are many good reasons: time, money, energy, etc, but if we continue to allow the excuses to dominate our lives (no matter how valid those excuses might be) we will never be able to achieve the things that we really want in life. The question remains, how can we make this kind of deep meaningful change last when the odds are stacked so high against us? The answer is LifeWalking.
I have found that when I attempt to enact a meaningful change in my life and I process that change with someone who is as committed to helping me achieve that change as I am, the results are phenomenal. LifeWalking allows for accountability, teaching, coaching, and encouragement that can help you to get past the inevitable roadblocks in order to reach the next level and truly grasp the change that you seek.

This is just a brief simple explanation of a very complex topic but I can guarantee you that I have seen it work. This blog wouldn't even be in existence if I hadn't decided to LifeWalk with others who pushed me to keep moving when things were tough, wouldn't allow me to rely on the old (albeit valid) excuses, and were a constant source of strength and encouragement.
If you find yourself fizzling out quickly when it comes to implementing changes in your life I challenge you to find someone to LifeWalk with the next time you are ready to make a big change. In fact, if you really want a challenge, think of some of those past desires to change that didn't quite make it past the roadblocks. I bet that you still have a desire to pursue at least one of them. Find a friend, peer, family member, or colleague who would be willing to support you and help you to process that change now. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. Roadblocks are merely challenges, they don't have to signal the end of the road. Believe that real change is always possible.

The Joy of the Lord is my Strength

When you begin to probe your life for areas that need change or improvement, there is one very troubling side effect; it is very easy to get down, depressed, and frustrated with yourself. We are creatures of habit and change is hard. It is hard to realize that we don't have it all figured out. It is discouraging to discover that we have so far to go. It is exhausting to think of the work that lies ahead.

As I have tackled many issues in my life and moved toward a positive life change, I have struggled with these feelings frequently. However, I have discovered that when I allow the joy of the Lord to supersede these feelings and I allow Him to be my strength, it is much easier to get through it. The journey is much easier to tackle with that joy giving me the turbo boost of strength that I need.

An interesting side effect of allowing the joy of the Lord to be your strength, suddenly I find that I deal much less with fear. If the Lord is for me, who can be against me? If my trust is in the Lord, whom shall I fear?

I know that this post is full of many of the cliches that you and I have heard all of our lives and you might be tempted to scoff at them (I would be) but I have found that there is powerful truth in each one of these statements. They come from God and therefore they are true.

Try opening yourself up to joy for a change. When you are struggling, let joy in. When you are doubting or self-critical, let joy in. The power of joy to change your life is astounding. It doesn't matter what you are facing, what challenges you are going through, joy can be the balm to heal those wounds so give it a try. What do you have to lose?

Honesty

It is interesting to me that there often seems to be a pretty big disconnect between the way we see ourselves and the way others see us. We often believe that we look, act, or behave differently that actually comes across to others. For instance, I can have a picture in my mind about the way I looked at a particular event but when I see the pictures, it comes across very different. In the past I believed that I was a pretty upbeat positive person until my husband shared with me that he just couldn't take my negativity each day when he got home from work. Finally, I had a friend share with me that her interpretation of events that occurred between us were very different that my own.

For many different reasons, our perceptions of ourselves don't quite match up with reality. Sometimes it is good to have a different perception in order to protect ourselves; in all honesty, if we constantly focused on the truth of our imperfections and shortcomings we would be continually depressed and unable to function in our daily lives, however, if we want to see real growth and change occur in our lives, we must begin to be honest with ourselves, others, and God about the areas that need change.

It isn't easy to separate the fact from fiction; we have all been living the fiction for so long. First you have to get honest with yourself. The first step to seeing real change in your life is admitting that you have a problem. I have been attending church essentially since birth and as such I have a reputation both privately and publicly. When I recognized that I wanted to grow in my walk with the Lord, the first step was admitting that while I knew a lot about God, I didn't really know God. I had never really had the deep relationship that I craved. While I had always loved God and believed the Bible and allowed biblical teaching to direct my life, I had never really pursued the deep relationship that I so craved.

The next step you can take is to enlist a good friend to help you discern the truth. It is important to let that person know that in this area, you value honesty above all. Share with this person the change that you would like to see (weight loss, better relationships, quality quiet time with God, etc.). Then tell her that for this season, in this area you need her to be completely open and honest with you about what she sees. I had to admit to a good friend that while I presented myself as a strong Christian (which in many ways I was) I had never allowed myself to truly immerse myself in the word and in prayer in a way that would bring me into a deeper relationship with God in which I could truly know him in a much deeper way (it was really scary).

Finally, get honest with God. God is big enough to handle all of your failings and he already knows what they are so go to him in prayer and ask for his strength and guidance. It was life changing to approach God on my knees and admit to him and myself that while I had always tried to be a good Christian, I know that I hadn't always tried to have a deep relationship with him. Wow, that prayer opened up a whole to depth to my relationship with him and allowed me to finally move forward in my Christian walk.

In the end I realized that the thing that held me back more than anything was my inability to be honest with God, myself, and others. When we are fighting to maintain the lie that we have built about our lives, we have no energy left to fight to make it true. Once we admit our weakness and allow others to come in and help us to grow, we can finally move forward.

What lies have you been telling God, yourself, and others? I challenge you to pick just one area, get honest with yourself, ask God and others for help and put in the work that it takes to change that one area of your life. It is amazing the freedom that comes from being honest and the power that it gives you to finally move forward.

Finding Purpose

I was recently speaking with a friend about our struggle to find purpose in our daily lives. I am a stay-at-home mom and I often feel that my life doesn't have a real purpose because I don't have a career; she is a single career woman and she doesn't feel like she has a purpose because she isn't married and doesn't have children. I was waiting for that career believing that once I had it, I would finally be fulfilling my purpose; she was waiting for that husband and those children believing that once she had them she would find her purpose. Funny, we both had what the other wanted but both of us struggled to feel as though our lives were achieving the purpose that God had for us.

I began to process that idea and came to the conclusion that we are often very confused as to what God's purpose for our lives truly is. It is much easier to say that I will be able to operate in my purpose once I have achieved some far off goal rather than to admit that the real problem is that we are not living God's purpose for our lives now and in order to begin living out God's purpose now, we will have to do some work and make some changes.

The first change that needs to be made is a change in our thought process. Instead of asking God to fulfill that far off goal (career, marriage, children) we need to begin asking God what His purpose for our lives is now. I have begun to come to God by saying, "With all things being as they are, no major changes, what do you want me to do with my life now?" I made a paradigm shift from finding purpose in a future goal to fully living my life now in order to fulfill God's purpose. I can't tell you how much of my life I have wasted waiting for the next big thing and then regretting what I didn't do before I had it. I wanted to get married so instead of enjoying single life, I waited and prayed for marriage and missed out on many of the things that God may have had for me in my single life. Now I don't want to miss out on the amazing things that God had for me in this season of life by being too focused on the next one.

God has a purpose for each and every one of our days. There is no day too small or insignificant. It is up to us to use the time that we have purposefully and intentionally and not to waste it on the things that could be.

I encourage you to start asking God what is your purpose now. Don't ask God to change your circumstances, ask him to change your outlook. You will be amazed at the freedom that you can find by starting to live your purpose today rather than waiting for that magical far off moment when it will be achieved. In truth, there will always be another milestone to wait for so you will never arrive at your purpose until you start to live it in the here and now.

Give it a Try

LifeWalking has been instrumental in quality decision-making in my life. There have been several "big" decisions that I have had to make in recent years and by using LifeWalking to try on the decisions that I have been making, I have been able to make many quality decisions that I'm not sure I could have come to without the element of LifeWalking.

A little over a year ago, I was struggling to find my life message. I wasn't quite sure how God wanted to use me. I decided to LifeWalk that decision with a close friend and the results were incredible. As we both processed ways that I could better hear from God, we came up with some simple "assignments" that I could do in order to better understand what direction I needed to take. I did some journaling, wrote a few articles, conceptualized some speeches and essentially took up the mantle of LifeWalking over the course of our ten week journey. By the end of ten weeks, I had tried on the decision of making LifeWalking my life message and I was certain that it was the direction that God wanted me to take. I was then able to move forward with confidence that I was doing the right thing. It was the ability to process this decision with a good friend who was supporting me in prayer and honestly giving me feedback that allowed me to move forward confidently with my life message once our journey was completed.

The next step was to discover what direction I should take with this message. LifeWalking had worked so well in the past so I tried it again. I began a new journey with another friend. This time I knew that my message was LifeWalking but I didn't know where I should go in order to share that message. I decided to try on the decision of starting my own ministry as a way to share this message with the world. I wasn't sure if I had what it would take to have my own ministry, I wasn't sure what it should look like and I didn't know how to fit it into my busy life. Again, I processed with my LifeWalking partner and we devised some assignments that I could do to "try on" the idea of this ministry. I worked on conceptual ideas, set goals, made a work schedule, and presented my ministry idea to several people in order to get feedback. At the end of 10 weeks, I felt confident that I could start this ministry with the backing of friends, family, supporters, and most importantly God.

These are a few examples of times when trying has resulting in ultimately doing the thing that I was trying, I have also tried many things that didn't stick. For a time I tried to take up knitting (not my thing), I tried to exercise early in the morning before my son woke up (it didn't work for me because I was just too tired at the end of the day), I tried on the idea of going back to work but decided that it just wasn't the right time for me.

Allowing LifeWalking to take an active role in your life decisions by processing them though trials can help you to come to much better decisions for your life with much less pain and in a much shorter time. Give LifeWalking a try, give your decisions a try, just try, you never know what will come of it.