Emotional Solutions

Last time I told you about my logical decision to keep my daughter in preschool despite my emotional pull to take her out. As a woman, I often defer to my emotional side when I am making a decision. It is what comes naturally to me. My husband, on the other hand, prefers to lean on logic. This is much more typical of a man. While I was torn emotionally to pull my daughter out of school, I also had emotional prompts telling me to keep her in.

I was not always inclined to be the mother type. When I was in high school and college, career had been my main focus. I wanted to be a success in that arena long before I ever attempted to have a successful marriage and family. My husband messed up those plans (in a good way) when he proposed to me before I had the chance to finish my degree (which I still obtained after we were married).

As often occurs, marriage led to children which led me to the hold button on my career. Don't get me wrong, I have loved every minute that I have spent with my husband and children, but I know that it isn't enough. My kids will grow up and leave some day and I will need to have something else to do with my life. I owe it to them to take the pressure off. They should not be wholly responsible for my happiness. And, while my husband is a wonderful support and the love of my life, he should not hold sole responsibility for my happiness either.

Therefore, I was left with the need to make an emotional decision to find something that would fill my days, give me satisfaction, and allow me to find joy and fulfillment outside the role of wife and mother. In order to do that, I would need a few hours a week in order to pursue a career.

I know that a few hours a three times a week will not make me the writer and speaker that I eventually want to become but I know that it will give me a great head-start for the time when my kids are a little older and a little more self-sufficient. If I take the time now to work on these things, my career can really take off when I have the time.

In my heart I know that, for now, I need to keep my daughter in school. Tears or not, she needs to go or I will completely lose myself